Memories

Being the eldest grandchild to my Malay grandparents, it used to be easy when my grandparents were still alive because they pampered me silly. Especially my Maktok. Oh how i miss her, tremendously. She was such an amazing and a loving grandmother. I wish i had more time with her.

How fast time flies that sometimes i feel like im stuck in time. Like the other day i wanted to buy a bag from Love Raina for my 'little' cousin. I thought she was 13. But she's not that little girl anymore. She's not my little cousin anymore. She's grown and she's taking her SPM this year. I had to check her Facebook to make sure she's 13 but boy was i so wrong. Thank goodness for social networking.

Is it just me? Am i the only one who sees my cousins the way i see them when we were kids? Because thats the fondest memory that i have of them; us playing hide and seek, ponteng puasa and making a lot of noises during Raya. I used to hate that they would follow my every move just because im the eldest. But i love being the eldest because of my Maktok. I miss being spoilt rotten by her. I rarely see my cousins because most of them live in Kedah and they hardly come down here and whenever they do i am never home. I guess thats why i still see them as kids because the times we spent together are the longest when we were a bunch of silly smelly kids.

And my dad, oh my Abah. He spoiled me too much. I miss being in the house just the two of us. Quiet just the way i like it. I think thats why i dont really enjoy family gatherings because i love the quietness of being in a house, the result of staying with him for years . Its much more peaceful. I cant function when there is too much noise going on. I get stress out. And im the kind of person who gets annoyed easily you see.

I know some might not agree with what i want in a family, you can have it anyway you want. But this is the way i prefer mine. We're all not the same. But i dont have my own family yet, so i dont know if in the future i would still like for mine to be this way. We shall see, insyaallah.

Father's Day is this weekend. I need to get fresh flowers for my Abah's grave. I have not seen him for quite some time. But i should this weekend. I should make time for him.

Happy Father's Day Abah. I dont write much about you because it breaks my heart to write things about you.

It makes me sad. I wish you were here.

I love you.