I was browsing through my older posts, and i just realized that i started this blog in November. How fast time flies. The main reason why i started blogging is because of few bloggers such as The Pink Stilettos and her sisters and my friend, Reena. I've been following their blog for quite awhile now and i find their life, quite interesting ... and the most interesting part is that, they can lead a fab life eventhough they pakai hijab. And this was 2 years ago, when i first feel like wearing one myself too. I learnt alot from Iza and her sisters, and Reena too of course.

Not wearing hijab, i can work any clothes that i like and make it 'me' but since i started wearing hijab, at times i feel clueless. I still don't know how to 'lilit' the tudung properly yet. And i've been calling my Sazzy's sister two days in a row now for the how-to guide. I know its easy but whenever im at home alone i can never get it right.

And the other main reason why i started this blog is because to get a side income. And also because i strongly feel i have to start one to record everything that goes on with me since im in a better place with my my life right now, and alhamdulillah, for that i am thankful.

Looking back at the past, im not proud of my past 'achievements'. Nothing to scream and shout about really. Found some friends; good and bad ones along the way, lost them. Some of them walked out of my life, and a few came back knocking. There's a reason why i lost them in the first place and why they're back here now. And alhamdulillah too, our lives are much better now than before.

As for the bad ones, not bad as in 'jahat perangai' but bad in the friendship sense. As i kid, i was born with privileges. And i am happy and thankful to my parents and Allah for that. I got everything i ever wanted from my parents. And i lead a much better life than others, but i wasnt grateful for it back then and i didn't know how to appreciate what i had. I still remember my mother used to fetch me from school every Friday for lunch. Friday was the day i looked forward to the most. Spending time with my mother, and shopping of course. My good friend, Aini usually tags along because her house is near to the shopping mall that we go to. One day, i wanted to get this hair straightening cream but my mother refused to buy it for me. I was furious and i wanted to cry, but Aini was there so i couldn't. The next day my mother bought me a the cream but from some other place, i think it was from my aunt's saloon or something. And i was overjoyed. I think i was around 13 or 14 that time.

Then i started to rebel, i still don't know what triggered me so. Some people blame their friends. Pengaruh kawan-kawan, so they said. But i believe, even if its so, if diri sendiri tak nak, tak jadi jugak kan? So its actually both really. There's no need to blame other people for what bad things you've done because you played an important part in it too. Along the way i met some people, friends and 'friends'.

'Friends' ... some who still despise me till today. It used to bug me but im proud to say, they don't anymore. When i look at their life now, and compare it with mine, im glad and thankful that my life is much better now.

I feel much more peaceful, im changing for the better (sometimes merepek jugak, tapi syukurlah tak terkeluar dari landasan lagi seperti sebelumnya), and Allah permudahkan my life in so many ways this year and i feel sangat sangat bersyukur for that. I get almost everything that i want, my relationship with E is in a very good position and im working out on my relationship with my girlfriends and im working hard to be a better person each and every way.

Before this, it never came across to me to feel the need to put myself in other people's shoe and when i see something bad, i tend to judge and sometimes over judge. I said bad things to people and especially to a close friend of mine without thinking twice. But now, when i feel the need to say something, im much more careful with my words to her because i know she's not that privilege and i should try to understand her better and not put her down. And as i look back on all thats happened between me and this friend, i felt truly ashamed of my actions. To this dear friend, i am truly sorry.

To my 'friends' who despise me, one word - karma. And i know those people that i hate pun will say the same thing for me. So its a never ending circle really, but we must try our best to work hard to be better. InsyaAllah.