Lucky Number Slevin

After reading Sabrina's blog, i totally changed my mind on what i wanted for my wedding. Everything became clearer and easier. Alhamdulillah. Thanks a million to Sab. Alot of infos of haram dan halal, dos and donts that she wrote is very useful to use as a guide for me to plan my wedding in the future.

I used to dream of a wedding, it was nothing big ... but its a very different vision from what i have in mind now. I dont feel the need to do 'bersanding' anymore now, i dont feel the need to give 10 hantarans, i dont feel the need for menepung tawar and such. Things that are not essential, not necessary to do but everyone is doing it because of 'adat' that isnt as important as what is 'harus' and 'halal'.

I still have a long way to go to understand more about Islam. And im learning now. Alhamdulillah i can think much clearly now. But i dont deny sometimes terleka jugak. Of course. I am still young. The feeling nak enjoy lagi, i wont deny, its still there. But semakin hari, semakin berkurang. Sometimes i feel old. Older than my mother perhaps. But sometimes i feel so young and all energetic. I just cant make up my mind what i want and what i dont. But i hope with the guidance of few people, i can be strong and keep pushing myself to do whats best for me in life and in the afterlife, insyaAllah. I can see that i am much better and much stronger now compare to before. Alot of things still nak kena improve, but im happy that im progressing and working on my flaws. I dont know why, but talking about all this ... sometimes terasa sebak sangat. I've done alot of things, God knows alot of things that im not proud of. And im so blessed and lucky that i am 'awake' now. Thanks a million to my pillar of strength, my boyfriend yang tak putus putus nasihat, yang tak putus putus pushing me to be a better person, yang tak putus putus loving me. Thank you for making me a better person and for being the bestest friend in the world.

Today marks the 7th year of our relationship. Happy anniversary E.

ILU. Always have and always will.